So many things have changed.  I'm sorry I did not keep up with writing everything down like I said I would.  I need to write a timeline of events so that I do not forget them:

November 2013 - Ex quit working - he moved to the couch and never came back to our bedroom
December 2013 - FIL came to live with us
January 2014 - Ex filed for SSD
August 2014 - FIL's house sold
October 2015 - First SSD settlement received
November 2015 - Ex had oral surgery. OD'd in front of 15 yo son
October 2016 - Started work at new job
February 2017 - Told Ex wanted divorce - he took over FIL's finances completely
March 2017 - Reconciled
August 2017 - moved out while he was passed out, leased apartment
January 2018 - moved out for good

I will add things as I remember them to the timeline.  There are things like the ex's affairs (the ones I know about), him taking family money for vacation for him and the boys only knowing I couldn't go or leaving me to take care of his father.  There are things like him telling me what bills to pay for his dad after I organized all of them, and then him getting mad because his dad was supposed to pay $1000 a month to us for rent, but his dad was only giving us $200-300 a month.  He had me write out a list of bills that were paid and knew that they truly were not paid, so that it looked like we were not getting the money.  This was all kept in a red folder and he knew where it was kept.  He said that over time, his dad would stop ask for an accounting of it all, which is exactly what happened.  He asked at one time because we were underwater with his dad not paying what he said he would, taking his dad back and forth to the hospital for his iron treatments, physical therapy treatments, and working on his house to get it sold, out of our pocket, not his dad's, that he asked about us taking a credit card out in his dad's name since we couldn't get one.  So it was done, we were able to pay the electric bill that was about to be shut off, among other things.  This credit card was paid in full by the time of our first reconciliation.  I paid it off with our tax refund.  I knew if it wasn't paid off, he would turn it over to the cops and blame me.  Part of the problem was that when he first stopped working, the agreement was either we could severely alter our budget and still keep treading water and live, or what he wanted to do, accept help from his mother and not alter our budget.  I told him we needed $700-1000 a month to keep alive.  His mom helped twice, once for $500 and another time for $300.  If there was more given, then the ex kept it and never said anything.  I did confront him about that and he didn't have an answer, so when he doesn't have an answer, it means that I am correct in my thoughts.  He thinks that if he doesn't admit something, then it didn't happen. 

He would like everyone to believe that he didn't have access to anything and that I did all of it.  I may have physically taken care of it, but it was at his behest.  Even after he took over physically doing the bills for his dad, which by then did not consist of much besides paying his medical prescriptions, lancets, food and paying rent to us, he did it for a few months until at least January 2018.  At that point when I left, I do believe he stopped doing it the way that we had been doing it, like going to the bank and withdrawing $500 and depositing it into our acct to pay the mortgage.  Because we could only get $500 out at a time, some days we would get $500 one day and $500 another day, deposit it or pay the house payment directly.  Sometimes it was done online.  I know that he did start letting money accumulate in his dad's acct.  He had gotten his disability approved and could pay the house payment himself at that point.  He was getting his own SSD and the boys, but yet not paying anything for the boys.  To this day, 3/17/19, our 17 yo son lives with me 100% of the time and I get nothing, our son gets nothing.  He might get $20 in gas now and then, but that is all.  The ex gets $980 a month for him. 

The ex has accused me of many things, from lying, cheating and stealing from our family and FIL.  This is because he cannot accept or admit what he has done himself.  True classic narcissistic behavior.  He has threatened to prosecute me if I am ever to contact my mother, eldest son and daughter.  He has also made statements that I killed his father by not getting him to the doctor.  I'm sorry, my ex stayed on the couch for 4 years.  When does he have to take responsibility for some of these problems?  When is he going to admit he would go to the store on a daily basis to get cigarettes, pop and food spending minimum of $10 daily, on top of the beer and whiskey that he was drinking every week?  Why couldn't he take his father to the doctor?  I did my best to take care of everyone in that house on top of working 70 hours a week. 

Why did all of this come about?  Our 19 yo was admitted this last week.  His GF and I talked as she has a very dysfunctional family.  She told me how my son told her when she is to get pregnant, he wanted her to hide her pregnancy from her family and not ever tell them, that he didn't want them involved in his child's life.  She said that she told him that she would not do that.  So I talked to her about boundaries.  How she cannot let her mother dictate things to her and not allow her to destroy her relationship with my son.  I told her how horrible it was with my mother, and how it breaks my heart that I have 2 children that I do not talk to.  Every Christmas, Easter, birthday, Thanksgiving, etc. I think of them.  Just because I don't like who they are does not mean that I do not love them.  Now my mother, I hate her.  She destroyed everything I had in my life.  Am I to blame as well?  Of course, I allowed it to happen, I was not strong enough.  Do I blame my ex?  Yes, I do.  I wish that when I was weak and vulnerable that he would've protected me.  I told the GF about all of this.  I also told her how I had received a msg from my father because my grandparents are ill and dying.  I have not called him back yet, but that I was thinking about it.  I explained to her how family is important, but not important enough that it should destroy the happiness that you have. I asked her to not tell my son at that time, he was inpatient at the hospital and didn't need to have this added to his stress.  Believe it or not, the ex agreed with me on that.  But she felt the need to tell him tonight, which would have been fine.  It is the content of what she told him, some of it not true.  She told him I have been in contact with my mother!  This is simply not true.  I hate her.  She told him I was thinking of contacting my daughter, which was not discussed at all.  I discussed how badly my heart hurt not having contact with 2 of my kids, that I sneak what pictures I can on the internet to see my grandkids.  Somehow she took part of what I said and ran with it.  I don't know if she was being malicious, if she misheard (she is partly deaf), I have no idea.  But my son came here and basically told me that he doesn't believe me, that his GF has never lied to him (that he knows about, other son told me she has lied to him about smoking pot and she also lied to him about her friend Angel before), and that he will cut me out if I am ever to have contact with those 3.  He said he needed to think things over.  He also said he never said to GF that she had to hide her pregnancy, so that would be another lie unless I just made that up too.  I don't think I will hear from him again. 

I honestly don't know why I'm even here anymore.  If I wasn't here, the pain would be gone and maybe those left behind wouldn't care anyway.