Sorry for not posting, sorry to myself is more like it. So many things have taken place over the past few weeks.
DS2 made it over to dinner this past Sunday, which was great to be able to see him. I took his GF on Tuesday for birth control appt. DS2 is still having stomach issues, so much so that the EX apparently made him an appt to see a GI doctor. It is very hard for me, I've always been the one to research, find the doctor and go and make the decisions on meds, etc. I have already taken him to the doctor once, but he hasn't even tried the med prescribed. We've discussed it, but he is an adult now and needs to take some responsibility. He did say his dad has been on his case about how much pot he is smoking. About damn time.
DS3 has homecoming this weekend. I do have to work, but took PTO for the game Friday and the dance Saturday, just enough to see him off. He has been seeing his dad, not every night I work like he is supposed to though. I worked Monday and Tuesday and he was planning on not staying for Tuesday, even though I pushed for it. He ended up going there on Wednesday because there was the powderpuff game and figured he wouldn't get out of there until at least 9, and dad around the corner, he may as well just stay there instead of coming home. Dad wasn't impressed and said he needed to be with me, that it was weird. Then he stopped by on Thursday because he forgot his wallet and his dad made another comment that he shouldn't be there. So much for a welcome of your own son. I think DS3 will be going there only rarely now after that. I'm not going to push him either. It would be financially better for me to have him stay there a couple of days a week, cuts down on gas money, but I'm not forcing the issue with him. DS3 said there is hardly any food in the house and that it is a total mess. When I took the GF to her appt, she said that she is washing the dishes and laundry, no one else helps. She said one time the dishes were so bad that when she got to the bottom of the stack, there were maggots! Ewww..... Not a healthy situation.
The other big thing, I ran into DS1 in public. Someone was calling "Mom" and it was him. I started bawling. He asked me if I wanted to meet my granddaughter and I got to see the most precious thing in the world. I went and saw his house, met his dogs and we went to breakfast the next day and chatted some more. He wants to forget the past and move on. He made a valid point on one issue that caused us not talking and now I'm wondering if I allowed the EX to influence my views/thoughts on what happened. I did not witness the situation, only the EX. So now I'm thinking I have lost out on all of these years because of not thinking clearly and realizing what the EX has done, again. I'm moving on at this point.
DS3 knows about the contact with DS1 and he wants to see him and see if he can try to trust him again. We have to keep everything secret. The EX has threatened that if I was ever to contact DS1, DD or my mother, that he would get money from his rich cousins and drag me through years of mud, of which I cannot afford to do. What kind of mud you ask? He said that he would find me an emotionally unfit mother, that I stole money from the family (who was working? wasn't him, I supported the family!), that I neglected his father (he wasn't working, not my responsibility!). He did nothing those last 4-5 years but lay on the couch. It was the family joke that his butt was imprinted on the cushion. He did not visit our bedroom once during that time, leaving me emotionally and physically. He moved his father in and did not lift a finger to help take care of him. His father was a diabetic and severe alcoholic, and he would not follow a diet. I should not be having to tell a grown man how to eat. I did research and printed of examples of what he should be eating for all 3 meals. But he would literally eat sugar out of the bag. We had to hide food. He would sneak around the house all night long and EX would lie on the couch and pretend he was sleeping.
When the FIL came to live with us, the agreement was he was to pay $1000 a month. I was the only one working, the EX had filed for disability and we were waiting for the denial, appeal, etc. The $1000 a month is what allowed us to survive, but not in the fashion the EX wanted. In the beginning, FIL demanded to see balances and receipts of everything. When I had taken things over for his billing, he had not paid bills in 3 months. I believe he was trying to die. The only bills that were paid were his house payment and 1 credit card, which were automatically deducted. FIL the first few months refused to pay the $1000, one month giving $200, even after he was hospitalized twice, EX was taking him for iron infusions x2 a week, PT x3 a week and the money did not even cover gas (visits were 45 mins away). This went on for months. EX was also attempting to clean and fix up his dad's house so that it could be sold. That took 8+ months and was over an hour away. Profit made on the house was a whopping $700. EX said he was keeping that money as payment for the work he did, I have no idea where that went to. I was working around the clock trying to keep up since we were not getting FIL money. Finally the EX said just start transferring money every month and he would put his father off. All of the transactions were verbally told to EX prior to doing them, even though I physically did them online. When winter hit, FIL kept his electric heater on 24/7 along with an electric blanket and a fridge. Our electric bill went up to over $600 for a month! The EX finally said "can we take a credit card out in his name to pay some of the bills until we can catch up?" and I did what he asked. The credit card was paid off prior to us separating.
When we met trying to sort things out, he accused me of illegally taking the credit card out in FIL name and then paying it off with FIL money! I was trying to think back if he was drunk when he told me to do it, but I honestly don't remember. He is also an alcoholic like his father. It got paid off because we got our tax refund...not FIL money. While FIL was with us, DS3 needed braces badly, his teeth were horrible, getting cavities because of how smushed his teeth were. EX told me to go ahead and get him the braces, that basically his father's money was the families money and his son was important. That was $231 a month. He knew how much I was working and that I wasn't making that much money. Hence why I switched careers at my age. So EX is trying to blame me for taking advantage of the elderly when he was the one who directed everything that I did. I wasn't allowed to make decisions, that is very clear, but he thinks he can portray it that I took advantage of his dad and himself, you know because he was so sick and couldn't take care of anything. But he was able to drink a 24-pack of beer a week minimum along with whiskey, smoke a pack a day and go to the store on a daily basis spending $10 just for his cigarettes, pop and snack. That is $70 a week....it adds up. He doesn't have a clue.
I have a chicken in the oven and potatoes cooking, so I have meals the next few days for DS3 and I. Financially, I am struggling. I have been applying for MT jobs at home so I can be here for DS3 and the dogs. Hopefully something pans out.
Friday, October 5, 2018
Once again, a post I had done a couple of weeks ago:
I had to cancel my chiro appt and reschedule for Monday. I am quite saddened by health care these days. It was nothing but a sales pitch. I walked in, got adjusted, and instead of sitting one-on-one with the dr, there was group of about 8 or 10 of us. He went over what compressions, rotations, bulges, etc were and how physical, emotional and chemical stresses the spine. Then he took us one by one into a room and went over x-rays and sell his package of what we needed. He wanted me to complete 1 year of treatment going 3x a week! My insurance only covers 10 visits per year with his pricing, so I would have to pay something like $180 a month after insurance, so at least 10 months of it. No can do. So then he suggested twice a week, which the rest of this year would be covered (which doesn't make sense), then the first 10 visits of 2019, then $125 a month! No freaking way. My old chiro charged $25 or $30 a visit and this one charges $79. He has quite the racket going.
He tried telling me that if he comes up with a plan and I don't stick to it, the insurance can go back and take back what they have paid him because if I didn't stick with the plan, then I must not have needed it; and then they can go and audit all of his accts with that insurance company and do the same.
I have been doing good with the diet and exercise, down to 262. I did splurge a little today more due to timing than anything (had to get takeout as I haven't grocery shopped). If I got to 250 by the 29th, I will be very happy.
I figured out how to get sleep too. I had to kick Kali out of the bedroom. I feel horrible, but Sassy keeps wanting to play with her and Kali when on my bed, wants nothing to do with her and growls and won't share the toys that Sassy brings to her. It was leaving me with literally no sleep and one cranky momma. I feel guilty putting Sassy in her crate while I'm sleeping as she is in there while DS3 is sleeping and she cannot be left unsupervised like Kali can be. Sassy does wake me to go out and wakes me when Kali has to go too. Kali comes to the door and whines and Sassy then proceeds to wake me, lol.
I had DS3 go see his dad yesterday. The EX's father passed away a week and a half ago. I did send my regrets, but he didn't acknowledge them. That's fine. But the day he starts telling everyone how cold I am and didn't acknowledge it, I have the text msg to prove it along with him reading the msg. As you can tell, this wouldn't be a first for me. But back on track, I thought DS3 should go and see him. DS3 said "dad hasn't called me" and I told him to get over it and to either call or even stop it, that his grandfather died and he should show compassion to his father.
I had to cancel my chiro appt and reschedule for Monday. I am quite saddened by health care these days. It was nothing but a sales pitch. I walked in, got adjusted, and instead of sitting one-on-one with the dr, there was group of about 8 or 10 of us. He went over what compressions, rotations, bulges, etc were and how physical, emotional and chemical stresses the spine. Then he took us one by one into a room and went over x-rays and sell his package of what we needed. He wanted me to complete 1 year of treatment going 3x a week! My insurance only covers 10 visits per year with his pricing, so I would have to pay something like $180 a month after insurance, so at least 10 months of it. No can do. So then he suggested twice a week, which the rest of this year would be covered (which doesn't make sense), then the first 10 visits of 2019, then $125 a month! No freaking way. My old chiro charged $25 or $30 a visit and this one charges $79. He has quite the racket going.
He tried telling me that if he comes up with a plan and I don't stick to it, the insurance can go back and take back what they have paid him because if I didn't stick with the plan, then I must not have needed it; and then they can go and audit all of his accts with that insurance company and do the same.
I have been doing good with the diet and exercise, down to 262. I did splurge a little today more due to timing than anything (had to get takeout as I haven't grocery shopped). If I got to 250 by the 29th, I will be very happy.
I figured out how to get sleep too. I had to kick Kali out of the bedroom. I feel horrible, but Sassy keeps wanting to play with her and Kali when on my bed, wants nothing to do with her and growls and won't share the toys that Sassy brings to her. It was leaving me with literally no sleep and one cranky momma. I feel guilty putting Sassy in her crate while I'm sleeping as she is in there while DS3 is sleeping and she cannot be left unsupervised like Kali can be. Sassy does wake me to go out and wakes me when Kali has to go too. Kali comes to the door and whines and Sassy then proceeds to wake me, lol.
I had DS3 go see his dad yesterday. The EX's father passed away a week and a half ago. I did send my regrets, but he didn't acknowledge them. That's fine. But the day he starts telling everyone how cold I am and didn't acknowledge it, I have the text msg to prove it along with him reading the msg. As you can tell, this wouldn't be a first for me. But back on track, I thought DS3 should go and see him. DS3 said "dad hasn't called me" and I told him to get over it and to either call or even stop it, that his grandfather died and he should show compassion to his father.
Sunday, September 2, 2018
I'm now seeing a chiropractor after my camping adventure. We formally go over my x-rays on Wednesday, but the gist of it is that I have arthritis in my neck and 2 bulging disks in my lower spine. I'm a little sore after seeing him! Hopefully, I will be back to myself before long.
I have been exercising more, just doing lots of walking at this time. I also have gone back to my roots of eating a salad with chicken. I want 20 pounds gone by 9/29, the day of my coworker's wedding. I am at 266 tonight, but I need to weigh myself in the morning to get a more accurate weight.
I have worked out a budget using EveryDollar. I really would like to try the Dave Ramsey FPU but it costs $119 on sale right now. I am going to start with baby steps, putting together a $1000 emergency fund and then start snowballing my debt.
I do have some expenses coming up, like DS3's retainer and half of the deductible for his phone. I also need to get my tooth fixed, I broke a crown right off a few months ago and have yet to get it fixed.
I'm hoping for more OT, but may pick up a second job if it doesn't pick up. We have one person retiring in November and one of my coworker's is talking about going to the police academy in January for a career change. It will take them a while to get 2 people hired in, so hopefully mucho OT! Keeping my fingers crossed.
I have been exercising more, just doing lots of walking at this time. I also have gone back to my roots of eating a salad with chicken. I want 20 pounds gone by 9/29, the day of my coworker's wedding. I am at 266 tonight, but I need to weigh myself in the morning to get a more accurate weight.
I have worked out a budget using EveryDollar. I really would like to try the Dave Ramsey FPU but it costs $119 on sale right now. I am going to start with baby steps, putting together a $1000 emergency fund and then start snowballing my debt.
I do have some expenses coming up, like DS3's retainer and half of the deductible for his phone. I also need to get my tooth fixed, I broke a crown right off a few months ago and have yet to get it fixed.
I'm hoping for more OT, but may pick up a second job if it doesn't pick up. We have one person retiring in November and one of my coworker's is talking about going to the police academy in January for a career change. It will take them a while to get 2 people hired in, so hopefully mucho OT! Keeping my fingers crossed.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
So finally back from vacation! It was quite an adventure. The Mighty B broke down the night before we were supposed to leave. It appeared it was the fuel filter. DS3 attempted to get it off but couldn't here. He had to meet his dad in town and he was able to get his father to come and help, but they needed tools that were back at the house, so DS3 drove it there and the EX, DS2 and DS3 worked on it and got it done. But, it still wasn't acting right. Me, the way that I rationalize things, thought it was because things may have been clogged leading up to the filter and would need to work itself out. DS2 said it was misfiring. DS2 was supposed to do a tune-up a few months ago for me, but that never happened. I asked DS3 to change the spark plugs at least and that hopefully it would work itself out. DS2 said even with the misfire, we should be fine going up north.
We made it up north with both dogs, 2 kayaks and the Mighty B filled to capacity, after not leaving the night before when we originally were supposed to go. The dogs literally had to sit in our laps on the way up! DS3 lost his phone within an hour of being up there, no where to be found. The deductible is $225. I just don't have it right now. I told him he had to pay for half of it and if it happens again, he has to pay for it in full. So he is without a phone for a couple of weeks. He thought he left it in the Mighty B, which his GF and I both saw it in there. He had put it on airplane mode as he thought he hadn't brought his charger, but his GF had grabbed the charger. We had taken the kayaks down this huge hill (guessing 150 feet?) and his kayak did turn upside down and I'm thinking the phone was probably in there and now at the bottom of the river.
This hill? Holy crapola. It was pretty steep and I am surprised I made it down. I helped DS3 with the kayaks going down as well. We managed to go that first day kayaking for about 2-3 hours and DS3 got out fishing for a bit. Getting back up that hill? I am surprised I didn't have a heart attack. A lot of it was sand, which a lot of it was sand making it difficult to get a footing. I slid down numerous times. I finally had to ask DS3 for help about 3/4 of the way up. There was a patch of about 3-4 feet that I just couldn't get past the sand without losing my grip and falling further. He got me past that and then had me go off to the side where I could get better footing. I was there maybe 15 seconds and realized I was in a wasp nest! I yelled at him to run, while I was trying to haul ass getting away after being stung. I literally got sick after I got up the hill. It was pretty embarrassing.
DS2 made it up with GF! I was so happy! With all that transpired, it absolutely made my day that he made it up. DS2 and DS3 got along too, and both GF's also got along. He actually made reservations to come back this next weekend, hoping to bring his dad up, so that he could spend more time and fish.
DS2 did look at my vehicle while there and all it was, was a spark plug was not in all the way. Mighty B is back up and running! Whew.... that kid is such a genius!!
We got lots of sun, had lots of food, and just enjoyed each other.
I'm posting this now as it has taken me days to do so!
We made it up north with both dogs, 2 kayaks and the Mighty B filled to capacity, after not leaving the night before when we originally were supposed to go. The dogs literally had to sit in our laps on the way up! DS3 lost his phone within an hour of being up there, no where to be found. The deductible is $225. I just don't have it right now. I told him he had to pay for half of it and if it happens again, he has to pay for it in full. So he is without a phone for a couple of weeks. He thought he left it in the Mighty B, which his GF and I both saw it in there. He had put it on airplane mode as he thought he hadn't brought his charger, but his GF had grabbed the charger. We had taken the kayaks down this huge hill (guessing 150 feet?) and his kayak did turn upside down and I'm thinking the phone was probably in there and now at the bottom of the river.
This hill? Holy crapola. It was pretty steep and I am surprised I made it down. I helped DS3 with the kayaks going down as well. We managed to go that first day kayaking for about 2-3 hours and DS3 got out fishing for a bit. Getting back up that hill? I am surprised I didn't have a heart attack. A lot of it was sand, which a lot of it was sand making it difficult to get a footing. I slid down numerous times. I finally had to ask DS3 for help about 3/4 of the way up. There was a patch of about 3-4 feet that I just couldn't get past the sand without losing my grip and falling further. He got me past that and then had me go off to the side where I could get better footing. I was there maybe 15 seconds and realized I was in a wasp nest! I yelled at him to run, while I was trying to haul ass getting away after being stung. I literally got sick after I got up the hill. It was pretty embarrassing.
DS2 made it up with GF! I was so happy! With all that transpired, it absolutely made my day that he made it up. DS2 and DS3 got along too, and both GF's also got along. He actually made reservations to come back this next weekend, hoping to bring his dad up, so that he could spend more time and fish.
DS2 did look at my vehicle while there and all it was, was a spark plug was not in all the way. Mighty B is back up and running! Whew.... that kid is such a genius!!
We got lots of sun, had lots of food, and just enjoyed each other.
I'm posting this now as it has taken me days to do so!
Monday, August 20, 2018
So I can't sleep. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule so that I'm not sleeping during the day when we are up north. Wish it was easier!
I'm going to broach a topic now that I need to deal with. My marriage sucked balls. Of course it didn't in the beginning and I loved that man deeply. As a matter of fact, I still love him. I don't think I'll ever be free of him in that sense. We could have been so good together. We truly could have had it all.
In the beginning, I never realized how much he drank. Call me naive, call me whatever you want, but I never understood. It took me over a year to realize that he was going to the bar almost every day after work and having a few beers with the guys before coming home and drinking a few more. Almost exactly a year into our relationship, he went to a strip club with the guys and gave me a detailed account of it. I was extremely jealous. I felt like something was wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough. He was so drunk that night. He couldn't understand why I was upset and he finally promised to never go again. Que in the lies after that for when he did go. I knew when he went as he smelled like the strippers, the cheap perfume and lotion. He thought I didn't know. It would send me into depression and just breeded more hate.
We went on to have 2 kids and had 2 teens at home as well. I know I wasn't perfect and I did a lot wrong too, but I was overwhelmed with 4 kids at home. I went back to working full-time when my youngest was 6 months. Granted I worked from home, but I worked every chance I could as his industry took a tumble. I felt no self worth. I did everything for everyone else. My needs were always last.
My EX is a flirt, flirts with all women. Except for me. For years I dealt with the neighbor woman coming over flirting with him. She was single with 2 kids. He treated her son better than his stepson. Her son turned around and shit on him years later, but the damage was done. But she would openly flirt with him, ask him to do things when I couldn't get him to do a damn thing to help me. She would see him out in the pole barn and go out there and bring him beer to help her. This went on for years. I hated her. I hated him. She had lost a bunch of weight due to surgery and I felt so fat and ugly. She finally met someone and got married, had 2 more kids. She didn't talk to the EX for quite a bit. I think her husband put an end to that. But then, she started bringing the babies around. She would take videos of her youngest son talking about "Named EX" and think it was funny. I don't think her husband found it funny. I kept telling the EX this was not normal behavior. Her kids would stand across the road and yell his name. She finally came knocking at my door one day. She apologized for her past behavior. Said she should have come to me and talked to me before ever approaching my husband. You think? But I fell for this, she was nothing but a demon in disguise. I think she finally realized he wouldn't ever commit to his flirting with her and make something of it, so why not friend the wife. She married a man that was quite ill, actually had 2 kidney transplants by that time. She and I actually became friends, but I didn't realize it was a game. I ended up confiding in her how unhappy I was, this was after a year of her friendship. Big mistake. She would confide in me about the issues she had with her husband. For his 40th birthday party, I held a surprise at a bar. We had quite a few friends there to celebrate, one being this neighbor.
I ran into her a few weeks later at the pharmacy with DS3. DS3 went off to look at toys and she proceeded to tell me how I needed to leave my husband because he had dry humped her backside in the bar and that he wasn't drunk at that time. I knew she was lying. The way that she talked, her mannerisms, everything. My radar was going off big time. Do I think now that it could have happened? Yes it could have. But to this day I believe she was lying. I'm more pissed that he involved us with a sociopath that could do something like this. At that point, I forbade my boys from ever going over there or talking with her kids, etc. I felt like she was trying to set him up. I think all out of the name of jealousy, that she wouldn't have her way. I do believe she wanted my husband. He was a good man, good father to his own, and to others that were not his stepchildren.
Let's go back to my cousin's wedding, New Years Eve approx 12 years ago. My mom watched the kids for us and DS2 was pretty sick. We were at a hotel about an hour and a half away. EX and I got into it, for starters, he wouldn't dance with me but then turned around and danced with my sister. He had never once in our marriage danced with me, no matter the pleading I did. But yet he danced with her. Then my mom called, said DS2 was getting sicker and probably needed to go to the ER. EX, of all people, said she was playing a game and trying to get us away from my dad. This man who protected his boys tooth and nail, did not give a shit. I wanted to leave and take care of my son but he wanted to stay. I had enough at that point, everyone was drunk and giving me a hard time. I went up to my room. He finally came in hours later and slept in the other bed. I decided at that point to pack my bags and slid a note under my dad's door to make sure someone gave EX a ride home. I went to my mom's and took my son into the ER. He had severe bronchitis.
Six months later, I find out from my stepmom that New Years night after I had gone upstairs, my sister and her had found my EX in the bar flirting with another woman. My sister walked up to him and brought up to the other woman that he was married and apparently she didn't know that and left in a huff because she was pissed at him. He did admit that he knew he was flirting but that it didn't mean anything. BULLSHIT. The other woman leaving abruptly tells me all I need to know, he was full on flirting away trying to get a piece of ass.
These are just 2 examples of what drove me crazy for years. He will never comprehend any of this. I did try to explain to him numerous times when we were trying to reconcile, not to blame him for the downfall of our marriage, but to try and explain why it drove an even further wedge between us. There are several, probably another 3 or 4 just like the above that I know about. What about the ones that I don't know about?
All I ever wanted was his attention, to love me for who I was. Who was I? I was a broken down little girl that only ever was looking for love. I didn't grow up with a lot of love and neither did he. I really thought the two of us would have some understanding of that. I needed help, I never felt adequate for him, never felt like he truly loved me until we tried reconciling. That is another story in itself. I think I've written enough for tonight. Maybe I can cry myself to sleep now.
I'm going to broach a topic now that I need to deal with. My marriage sucked balls. Of course it didn't in the beginning and I loved that man deeply. As a matter of fact, I still love him. I don't think I'll ever be free of him in that sense. We could have been so good together. We truly could have had it all.
In the beginning, I never realized how much he drank. Call me naive, call me whatever you want, but I never understood. It took me over a year to realize that he was going to the bar almost every day after work and having a few beers with the guys before coming home and drinking a few more. Almost exactly a year into our relationship, he went to a strip club with the guys and gave me a detailed account of it. I was extremely jealous. I felt like something was wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough. He was so drunk that night. He couldn't understand why I was upset and he finally promised to never go again. Que in the lies after that for when he did go. I knew when he went as he smelled like the strippers, the cheap perfume and lotion. He thought I didn't know. It would send me into depression and just breeded more hate.
We went on to have 2 kids and had 2 teens at home as well. I know I wasn't perfect and I did a lot wrong too, but I was overwhelmed with 4 kids at home. I went back to working full-time when my youngest was 6 months. Granted I worked from home, but I worked every chance I could as his industry took a tumble. I felt no self worth. I did everything for everyone else. My needs were always last.
My EX is a flirt, flirts with all women. Except for me. For years I dealt with the neighbor woman coming over flirting with him. She was single with 2 kids. He treated her son better than his stepson. Her son turned around and shit on him years later, but the damage was done. But she would openly flirt with him, ask him to do things when I couldn't get him to do a damn thing to help me. She would see him out in the pole barn and go out there and bring him beer to help her. This went on for years. I hated her. I hated him. She had lost a bunch of weight due to surgery and I felt so fat and ugly. She finally met someone and got married, had 2 more kids. She didn't talk to the EX for quite a bit. I think her husband put an end to that. But then, she started bringing the babies around. She would take videos of her youngest son talking about "Named EX" and think it was funny. I don't think her husband found it funny. I kept telling the EX this was not normal behavior. Her kids would stand across the road and yell his name. She finally came knocking at my door one day. She apologized for her past behavior. Said she should have come to me and talked to me before ever approaching my husband. You think? But I fell for this, she was nothing but a demon in disguise. I think she finally realized he wouldn't ever commit to his flirting with her and make something of it, so why not friend the wife. She married a man that was quite ill, actually had 2 kidney transplants by that time. She and I actually became friends, but I didn't realize it was a game. I ended up confiding in her how unhappy I was, this was after a year of her friendship. Big mistake. She would confide in me about the issues she had with her husband. For his 40th birthday party, I held a surprise at a bar. We had quite a few friends there to celebrate, one being this neighbor.
I ran into her a few weeks later at the pharmacy with DS3. DS3 went off to look at toys and she proceeded to tell me how I needed to leave my husband because he had dry humped her backside in the bar and that he wasn't drunk at that time. I knew she was lying. The way that she talked, her mannerisms, everything. My radar was going off big time. Do I think now that it could have happened? Yes it could have. But to this day I believe she was lying. I'm more pissed that he involved us with a sociopath that could do something like this. At that point, I forbade my boys from ever going over there or talking with her kids, etc. I felt like she was trying to set him up. I think all out of the name of jealousy, that she wouldn't have her way. I do believe she wanted my husband. He was a good man, good father to his own, and to others that were not his stepchildren.
Let's go back to my cousin's wedding, New Years Eve approx 12 years ago. My mom watched the kids for us and DS2 was pretty sick. We were at a hotel about an hour and a half away. EX and I got into it, for starters, he wouldn't dance with me but then turned around and danced with my sister. He had never once in our marriage danced with me, no matter the pleading I did. But yet he danced with her. Then my mom called, said DS2 was getting sicker and probably needed to go to the ER. EX, of all people, said she was playing a game and trying to get us away from my dad. This man who protected his boys tooth and nail, did not give a shit. I wanted to leave and take care of my son but he wanted to stay. I had enough at that point, everyone was drunk and giving me a hard time. I went up to my room. He finally came in hours later and slept in the other bed. I decided at that point to pack my bags and slid a note under my dad's door to make sure someone gave EX a ride home. I went to my mom's and took my son into the ER. He had severe bronchitis.
Six months later, I find out from my stepmom that New Years night after I had gone upstairs, my sister and her had found my EX in the bar flirting with another woman. My sister walked up to him and brought up to the other woman that he was married and apparently she didn't know that and left in a huff because she was pissed at him. He did admit that he knew he was flirting but that it didn't mean anything. BULLSHIT. The other woman leaving abruptly tells me all I need to know, he was full on flirting away trying to get a piece of ass.
These are just 2 examples of what drove me crazy for years. He will never comprehend any of this. I did try to explain to him numerous times when we were trying to reconcile, not to blame him for the downfall of our marriage, but to try and explain why it drove an even further wedge between us. There are several, probably another 3 or 4 just like the above that I know about. What about the ones that I don't know about?
All I ever wanted was his attention, to love me for who I was. Who was I? I was a broken down little girl that only ever was looking for love. I didn't grow up with a lot of love and neither did he. I really thought the two of us would have some understanding of that. I needed help, I never felt adequate for him, never felt like he truly loved me until we tried reconciling. That is another story in itself. I think I've written enough for tonight. Maybe I can cry myself to sleep now.
On vacation, but haven't left yet. I did get the apartment cleaned, but have to do it again before we leave.
I had a talk with DS2 today. I asked him if he was going to go camping with us, but looks like he won't. Then he laid into me about DS3. He wanted to know when DS3 was going to pay him for the work he did on the vehicle. I told him that was between him and his brother, but of course it didn't end there. I had told DS3 that he needed to see his father today as he hadn't seen him in a while. He had talked to his dad last week and his dad said he would not be back in town until Monday, so I told DS3 that after work on Monday, he needed to go to the house and see him since we were leaving on Wednesday. Apparently some conversation took place, from him telling DS3 to make it right with his brother, his telling DS3 that DS2 did not sabotage his vehicle, to me sending EX and the boys on vacation 2 years ago so that I could have an affair.
So let's clarify some of this, DS2 told me on the phone that he did cut the wiring harness on the vehicle in several spots and that EX told him he needed to fix it, which he said he did. Guess what DS3 had to pay a mechanic to fix? The wiring harness at $180. Sending them on vacation? We didn't have the money, but EX kept harping how he could probably not ever be able to go again due to his physical deterioration. I told him if he could do it for I think $300, then they could go. I believe they went for 5 days. I had EX's father still at the house who is nosy as all get out, not to mention I was the one working and had to work while they were gone. I didn't have time to have an affair! Someone had to make money! DS3 understands and believes me on that issue. He is quite familiar with how his father works.
But through it all, I told DS3 that DS2 still needed to be paid. He needs to pay him the $100 for working on his vehicle and I will pay the $150 that DS2 chipped in on DS3's vehicle. I do not understand still why DS2 chipped in on DS3's vehicle, but DS3 said that his dad was hurting for money and he wanted to help his brother get it. I will not let his dad take advantage of him so I will pay him back. His dad is getting the same amount he was when both boys were on his disability. We thought it was going to reduce by the one being 18, but it didn't, they raised it for the youngest. So he is getting $2750 a month in disability. He makes more than I do! And I'm supporting the youngest without his help. He told DS3 that he would start giving him some of the money, but hasn't seen a cent yet.
EX is trying to get DS3 to move some of his things back into the house as he believes that is why he moved it out, that I told him to so that I could file for his social security disability money, but that is far from the truth. I have not made any move to do so and have no intentions of doing so. The money is not worth having him bad talk me. As far as I am concerned, he can have it.
DS3 also told me that it looks like DS2's vehicle will not last a month either, it needs the front end worked on just like mine. Wonderful. DS3 also said that DS2 was to get the white truck from his dad when the disability gets reapproved, but that was never brought up to DS2 either. He thought he was getting stuck with the POS until DS2 could afford something better. So much for communication at any level.
I did tell DS2 that we all need to sit down and talk about this but I doubt that will happen. I'm just going to keep trying to salvage the relationship between the boys and myself and DS2.
I had a talk with DS2 today. I asked him if he was going to go camping with us, but looks like he won't. Then he laid into me about DS3. He wanted to know when DS3 was going to pay him for the work he did on the vehicle. I told him that was between him and his brother, but of course it didn't end there. I had told DS3 that he needed to see his father today as he hadn't seen him in a while. He had talked to his dad last week and his dad said he would not be back in town until Monday, so I told DS3 that after work on Monday, he needed to go to the house and see him since we were leaving on Wednesday. Apparently some conversation took place, from him telling DS3 to make it right with his brother, his telling DS3 that DS2 did not sabotage his vehicle, to me sending EX and the boys on vacation 2 years ago so that I could have an affair.
So let's clarify some of this, DS2 told me on the phone that he did cut the wiring harness on the vehicle in several spots and that EX told him he needed to fix it, which he said he did. Guess what DS3 had to pay a mechanic to fix? The wiring harness at $180. Sending them on vacation? We didn't have the money, but EX kept harping how he could probably not ever be able to go again due to his physical deterioration. I told him if he could do it for I think $300, then they could go. I believe they went for 5 days. I had EX's father still at the house who is nosy as all get out, not to mention I was the one working and had to work while they were gone. I didn't have time to have an affair! Someone had to make money! DS3 understands and believes me on that issue. He is quite familiar with how his father works.
But through it all, I told DS3 that DS2 still needed to be paid. He needs to pay him the $100 for working on his vehicle and I will pay the $150 that DS2 chipped in on DS3's vehicle. I do not understand still why DS2 chipped in on DS3's vehicle, but DS3 said that his dad was hurting for money and he wanted to help his brother get it. I will not let his dad take advantage of him so I will pay him back. His dad is getting the same amount he was when both boys were on his disability. We thought it was going to reduce by the one being 18, but it didn't, they raised it for the youngest. So he is getting $2750 a month in disability. He makes more than I do! And I'm supporting the youngest without his help. He told DS3 that he would start giving him some of the money, but hasn't seen a cent yet.
EX is trying to get DS3 to move some of his things back into the house as he believes that is why he moved it out, that I told him to so that I could file for his social security disability money, but that is far from the truth. I have not made any move to do so and have no intentions of doing so. The money is not worth having him bad talk me. As far as I am concerned, he can have it.
DS3 also told me that it looks like DS2's vehicle will not last a month either, it needs the front end worked on just like mine. Wonderful. DS3 also said that DS2 was to get the white truck from his dad when the disability gets reapproved, but that was never brought up to DS2 either. He thought he was getting stuck with the POS until DS2 could afford something better. So much for communication at any level.
I did tell DS2 that we all need to sit down and talk about this but I doubt that will happen. I'm just going to keep trying to salvage the relationship between the boys and myself and DS2.
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Finally on vacation! We are not leaving until Wednesday, but at least I have a few days to get things purged, cleaned and packed. DS3's GF is coming on Tuesday to help me bake cookies, bread, and treats to take up north. Even with my small kitchen, the help will be greatly appreciated. I have a bridal shower to go to tomorrow and will be picking up the extra kayak tomorrow. I'm going to a friend's house today to detail the Mighty B since DS3 finally has his own vehicle, lol.
DS3 finished his last band camp yesterday. I've already made sure to put comp and personal time in for the games. I also submitted my OT before leaving on vacation for September. It worked out perfectly that the scheduler was able to post it before I left.
I was working on the diet, but fell off the past 2 days. I decided to print off a calendar for August and September, starting for when I get back from vacation, and take one day at a time. I'm going to develop a workout schedule and diet plan, then mark each day off as I accomplish things.
I did Sassy's shots myself, saved a lot of money and there was really nothing to it. I have to get her rabies done by someone though as it is a required shot. Then I can get her tags for the county.
With the sales going on, I was able to meal plan pretty cheap for the next 2 weeks. Chicken I got for $7 is good for at least 4 meals for 2, if not 5 or 6 meals. I made 3 meals of spaghetti for $4.
Things to accomplish before leaving Wednesday:
1. Detail Mighty B
2. Clean walk-in closet and organize
3. Clean out hallway closet for Sam
And I'm sure I'll be adding to the list....
DS3 finished his last band camp yesterday. I've already made sure to put comp and personal time in for the games. I also submitted my OT before leaving on vacation for September. It worked out perfectly that the scheduler was able to post it before I left.
I was working on the diet, but fell off the past 2 days. I decided to print off a calendar for August and September, starting for when I get back from vacation, and take one day at a time. I'm going to develop a workout schedule and diet plan, then mark each day off as I accomplish things.
I did Sassy's shots myself, saved a lot of money and there was really nothing to it. I have to get her rabies done by someone though as it is a required shot. Then I can get her tags for the county.
With the sales going on, I was able to meal plan pretty cheap for the next 2 weeks. Chicken I got for $7 is good for at least 4 meals for 2, if not 5 or 6 meals. I made 3 meals of spaghetti for $4.
Things to accomplish before leaving Wednesday:
1. Detail Mighty B
2. Clean walk-in closet and organize
3. Clean out hallway closet for Sam
And I'm sure I'll be adding to the list....
Saturday, August 11, 2018
Been a long two weeks. After DS3 got sick, DS2 got sick again and then of course, I got sick. I got the brunt of it of course, strep, scarlet fever and hand/foot/mouth disease. My hands and feet are still covered in blisters, but not as bad as it was. I am back to work today, so that is a good thing. My coworkers are still giving me the evil eye about my hands. This kind of gave me a wake up call to get my rear in gear some more to get on my health kick. I've been pretty good since this started, since I couldn't drink/eat anything but broth for a few days.
A few things happened while sick, first off the EX did some damage again to his relationship with DS3. DS3 went there after work one day to work on his vehicle and was going to spend the night, but when he got there, his whole room had been moved. The room he has had since birth. He totally understood his room was bigger than his brother's and he is hardly there (I am working on getting him over there more, but I don't know what more I can do), but he wasn't asked. A simple courtesy goes a long way. He has a few things that are precious to him including some Lego sets that were broken in half and other things broken off of them; things crammed into the closet like art work he has done over the years, just little things that meant a lot to him. He was crying he was so upset. Maybe he is over-reacting, but he feels like this isn't his home anymore, that he isn't welcome there. He explained this once before to his father when his room was used as storage and he couldn't get into it. Both of these have happened in a 2-month period. No wonder he doesn't want to stay there. His dad texted him and said he owed him one. This is after his brother sent threatening texts stating he was going to dismantle his vehicle so that he could never get it running again.
This prompted me to unblock the EX and call. He still thinks I am encouraging DS3 to not stay at the house and to not feel welcome there. This is none of my doing but the EX's doing and he needs to own up and put his big boy panties on. He thinks I am trying to go after DS3's social security money, which legally I can do but it isn't worth the next 9 months of hell I'd hear from him about it. I did tell him about DS3 going to counseling and he didn't sound surprised. I had told DS2's GF knowing it would get back to the EX. I wanted him to realize I was trying to help DS3 but of course he takes it a totally different way. We did end up talking nicely but of course, I always feel the need to answer his questions when I should be telling him it is none of his business. He asked if I was still on my depression meds and seeing my therapist. I told him I see my therapist when I can afford it and no, not on my meds. I have debated about going back on them, but to be honest, my problem was him. He isn't in my life for the most part creating the reason I needed to be on them to begin with. It ended with us agreeing to play nice, whatever that means.
DS3 just got his vehicle back today, another $190. It should be good to go for awhile. He has band camp this next week, so perfect timing. It cost another $150 in medical bills this past week, not to mention the few extras of Vernors, Popsicles, take out here and there. I am still planning on our little vacation, which has turned into 5 days now. DS3 knows it is going to be lots of hot dogs and PBJ's!
A few things happened while sick, first off the EX did some damage again to his relationship with DS3. DS3 went there after work one day to work on his vehicle and was going to spend the night, but when he got there, his whole room had been moved. The room he has had since birth. He totally understood his room was bigger than his brother's and he is hardly there (I am working on getting him over there more, but I don't know what more I can do), but he wasn't asked. A simple courtesy goes a long way. He has a few things that are precious to him including some Lego sets that were broken in half and other things broken off of them; things crammed into the closet like art work he has done over the years, just little things that meant a lot to him. He was crying he was so upset. Maybe he is over-reacting, but he feels like this isn't his home anymore, that he isn't welcome there. He explained this once before to his father when his room was used as storage and he couldn't get into it. Both of these have happened in a 2-month period. No wonder he doesn't want to stay there. His dad texted him and said he owed him one. This is after his brother sent threatening texts stating he was going to dismantle his vehicle so that he could never get it running again.
This prompted me to unblock the EX and call. He still thinks I am encouraging DS3 to not stay at the house and to not feel welcome there. This is none of my doing but the EX's doing and he needs to own up and put his big boy panties on. He thinks I am trying to go after DS3's social security money, which legally I can do but it isn't worth the next 9 months of hell I'd hear from him about it. I did tell him about DS3 going to counseling and he didn't sound surprised. I had told DS2's GF knowing it would get back to the EX. I wanted him to realize I was trying to help DS3 but of course he takes it a totally different way. We did end up talking nicely but of course, I always feel the need to answer his questions when I should be telling him it is none of his business. He asked if I was still on my depression meds and seeing my therapist. I told him I see my therapist when I can afford it and no, not on my meds. I have debated about going back on them, but to be honest, my problem was him. He isn't in my life for the most part creating the reason I needed to be on them to begin with. It ended with us agreeing to play nice, whatever that means.
DS3 just got his vehicle back today, another $190. It should be good to go for awhile. He has band camp this next week, so perfect timing. It cost another $150 in medical bills this past week, not to mention the few extras of Vernors, Popsicles, take out here and there. I am still planning on our little vacation, which has turned into 5 days now. DS3 knows it is going to be lots of hot dogs and PBJ's!
Friday, July 27, 2018
Well, DS3 has been sick since Wednesday morning. Fever went up to 104.2, diarrhea, sore throat, headache. I am now sick too, I already called into work for tonight as I just don't see it happening. I have gotten maybe 2 hour increments of sleep since he got sick, just me checking his temperature and making sure he was drinking.
With him being sick, he also hasn't worked on his vehicle either. Hopefully he will be well enough tomorrow.
I haven't been able to get to the gym the past couple of days, I will get back to it on Monday. My diet hasn't been too bad, but not drinking my water like I should, more Vernors than anything and Popsicles.
Signing off until another day.
With him being sick, he also hasn't worked on his vehicle either. Hopefully he will be well enough tomorrow.
I haven't been able to get to the gym the past couple of days, I will get back to it on Monday. My diet hasn't been too bad, but not drinking my water like I should, more Vernors than anything and Popsicles.
Signing off until another day.
I have started this post a few times now and things just keep changing before I can post! DS3's vehicle was up and running, but broke down on his first day out with it. Appears to be the fuel pump or the wiring for it. I also was able to get the front end alignment for the Mighty B and it now drives like a champ. I will need shocks and tires in the near future though.
I did buy a few things for our camping trip, a tent, 2 chairs, and a cooler. I was able to get a deal at Kmart, a $120 tent on sale for $65 and received $60 in credits, which are redeemable in $20 increments every 2 weeks. Once I ordered the tent and picked it up, I received my first $20 credit and bought the cooler, which was on clearance. The chairs were $2 cheaper online than in the store too. BUT, it looks like my debit card was hacked through Kmart. It was very odd. My son used my debit card at 6:48 pm on Monday, and the 2 fraud purchases were at 6:12 and 6:24 pm. My son had put his wallet on top of the vehicle after pumping and left it there, and it disappeared of course. When he couldn't locate it 2 hours later, I called the bank and let them know the card was lost. I had no idea about the fraud at that time as they didn't post online until after 4 am. I just happened to check my account about 5 am and saw the charges, so I called the bank again. They were small charges thank goodness, but going to be a pain to have to change all my direct debits again.
I plan on using the rest of the $40 credit at Kmart as in-store purchases for our trip. There are just miscellaneous things left to get such as a cooking rack for over the fire, a hatchet, a shovel (no bathrooms, lol), and a pan. I'm not going to get sleeping bags, figuring we can get a bunch of blankets and live with it.
This post is from 7/24....
I did buy a few things for our camping trip, a tent, 2 chairs, and a cooler. I was able to get a deal at Kmart, a $120 tent on sale for $65 and received $60 in credits, which are redeemable in $20 increments every 2 weeks. Once I ordered the tent and picked it up, I received my first $20 credit and bought the cooler, which was on clearance. The chairs were $2 cheaper online than in the store too. BUT, it looks like my debit card was hacked through Kmart. It was very odd. My son used my debit card at 6:48 pm on Monday, and the 2 fraud purchases were at 6:12 and 6:24 pm. My son had put his wallet on top of the vehicle after pumping and left it there, and it disappeared of course. When he couldn't locate it 2 hours later, I called the bank and let them know the card was lost. I had no idea about the fraud at that time as they didn't post online until after 4 am. I just happened to check my account about 5 am and saw the charges, so I called the bank again. They were small charges thank goodness, but going to be a pain to have to change all my direct debits again.
I plan on using the rest of the $40 credit at Kmart as in-store purchases for our trip. There are just miscellaneous things left to get such as a cooking rack for over the fire, a hatchet, a shovel (no bathrooms, lol), and a pan. I'm not going to get sleeping bags, figuring we can get a bunch of blankets and live with it.
This post is from 7/24....
Monday, July 16, 2018
So I had DS2 look at the Mighty B yesterday. DS3 tried so hard to fix it for me, but he did not do the CV shaft correctly. DS2 fixed everything that was wrong, but had no clue as to why the humming was still there and the loose steering. I took it into our local repair shop after working my 12 hour shift, waited for a couple of hours to find out the other wheel bearing needed to be replaced and my idler arm as well, then a front end alignment. I was so happy it was nothing major! DS2 and DS3 today (actually on Sunday as I'm a midnighter) replaced the wheel bearing and the humming is gone! DS2 said the idler arm is not in horrible shape and that I could go quite a bit before it needs to be replaced. I just need to do the front end alignment! I am ecstatic! Cost of the wheel bearing was $105.
On another front, DS3 now has a vehicle! He found one for $1000 that was marked down to $800 by the time he and his father went back, and he talked them down to $700. His father wanted me to pay half, which I didn't have due to the vehicle issues and DS3 had just gotten paid, so he paid $300 and I paid $100. His dad had said originally the price was $800, hence why we paid $400. Then for some unknown reason, the EX made DS2 chip in $150 and told DS3 he needed to pay DS2 back??? I have yet to figure out why. The only thing I can think of is because DS3 just got his GF a van (one of the reasons he didn't have time to work on my vehicle) and it is insured through the EX. Maybe DS2 owes him money? DS2 apparently made a statement of why was he putting money in when EX had a ton of money stashed. Oh really? DS3 said EX told him to shut up. I think he is preparing for the divorce. Nothing makes sense with him.
Back to DS3. He just needs to get something fixed with the brakes, which EX said he would pay for and then I'm going to get it registered on Friday when I get paid. No more sharing a vehicle! I won't have be worried about getting forced over at work in the morning when DS3 needs to leave for work or school. What a relief.
EX found out the disability money he gets for DS3 is doubling, so he told him he would give it to him. Whether that means the full amount, I highly doubt it, but he can use that to pay for his insurance and gas money. I could be a real nasty person and report to Social Security that DS3 does not live with his father, but with me and sees him maybe once-twice a month and they will in turn turn over ALL of DS3 social security money to me, but the EX would make my life as miserable as he could. If there is anything that I have learned, money isn't everything. I need my sanity.
I picked up another 2 hours of OT, so a total of 4 hours of OT today, 16-hour day. I keep telling myself every little bit helps!
On another front, DS3 now has a vehicle! He found one for $1000 that was marked down to $800 by the time he and his father went back, and he talked them down to $700. His father wanted me to pay half, which I didn't have due to the vehicle issues and DS3 had just gotten paid, so he paid $300 and I paid $100. His dad had said originally the price was $800, hence why we paid $400. Then for some unknown reason, the EX made DS2 chip in $150 and told DS3 he needed to pay DS2 back??? I have yet to figure out why. The only thing I can think of is because DS3 just got his GF a van (one of the reasons he didn't have time to work on my vehicle) and it is insured through the EX. Maybe DS2 owes him money? DS2 apparently made a statement of why was he putting money in when EX had a ton of money stashed. Oh really? DS3 said EX told him to shut up. I think he is preparing for the divorce. Nothing makes sense with him.
Back to DS3. He just needs to get something fixed with the brakes, which EX said he would pay for and then I'm going to get it registered on Friday when I get paid. No more sharing a vehicle! I won't have be worried about getting forced over at work in the morning when DS3 needs to leave for work or school. What a relief.
EX found out the disability money he gets for DS3 is doubling, so he told him he would give it to him. Whether that means the full amount, I highly doubt it, but he can use that to pay for his insurance and gas money. I could be a real nasty person and report to Social Security that DS3 does not live with his father, but with me and sees him maybe once-twice a month and they will in turn turn over ALL of DS3 social security money to me, but the EX would make my life as miserable as he could. If there is anything that I have learned, money isn't everything. I need my sanity.
I picked up another 2 hours of OT, so a total of 4 hours of OT today, 16-hour day. I keep telling myself every little bit helps!
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Unfortunately the work that they did yesterday did not stop the humming noise that is going on; it is better, just not gone. DS2 GF came over today as she needed help doing her resume and submitting job applications, so I told her about DS3 doing the vehicle work. DS2 called me on the way to work trying to remain calm as he knew I did what I had to do, but that he had planned on working on it Saturday.... maybe he should have told me. He is not the greatest communicator.
I got some exercise in last night, I walked the dogs for about 45 minutes around midnight. I'm sure if anyone would have seen me it would have been quite the sight. We have a 4-year-old Husky named Kali and 9-week-old Belgian Malinois Sassy. It was beautiful out and very peaceful. The babies enjoyed it immensely. I haven't done too badly with my eating either, stuck to my salad, frozen microwave Healthy Choice meal, skipped my protein shake as the Healthy Choice made my stomach not very happy. This is my weekend to work, I won't get too much exercise done.
On the finance front, I almost allowed myself to charge an InstaPot! It was on sale for the lowest price in history, 51% off with all of Kohl's stackable coupons. I've wanted one for a long time. I actually bought the EX one for his birthday last year that he used once in the last months that we were together. I stopped myself though, I've lived this long without one and it is more important to pay things off and get ahead.
I did pick up 2 hours of overtime on Sunday. Every little bit helps.
Ta-ta for now!
I got some exercise in last night, I walked the dogs for about 45 minutes around midnight. I'm sure if anyone would have seen me it would have been quite the sight. We have a 4-year-old Husky named Kali and 9-week-old Belgian Malinois Sassy. It was beautiful out and very peaceful. The babies enjoyed it immensely. I haven't done too badly with my eating either, stuck to my salad, frozen microwave Healthy Choice meal, skipped my protein shake as the Healthy Choice made my stomach not very happy. This is my weekend to work, I won't get too much exercise done.
On the finance front, I almost allowed myself to charge an InstaPot! It was on sale for the lowest price in history, 51% off with all of Kohl's stackable coupons. I've wanted one for a long time. I actually bought the EX one for his birthday last year that he used once in the last months that we were together. I stopped myself though, I've lived this long without one and it is more important to pay things off and get ahead.
I did pick up 2 hours of overtime on Sunday. Every little bit helps.
Ta-ta for now!
Thursday, July 12, 2018
Teenagers ...
I have an older vehicle, one I got a great deal on. It only had 60,000 miles on it, was used as a summer car for a wealthy family. It now needs some work done to it, ball joints, wheel bearing, basically the front end. My other 18 yo son (DS2) did some of the work and has been too busy since Mother's Day to help. We will get into why he is too busy another time. I told him last week it was getting really bad and was worried about getting into an accident and he was supposed to tell me when he could do it, and I still have not heard from him. I called around and it will be a minimum of $400 to get what I need done. My 17 yo son (DS3) and his friend said they could do it; his friend went through a mechanic program at college. They did the wheel bearing yesterday and needed to change the brake pads still, but decided to hold off on the brake until today. Well, something isn't right with the wheel bearing or possibly the caliper is bad.
The decision was made his friend would take DS3 to work and pick him up from work, then they would drive my vehicle to his friend's house to work on it as he has more tools at his place. They left here and got to the friend's GF's house at 2 pm. They were to text me along the way and by 7:45 I still hadn't heard anything. They were still at the GF's house. I got a little upset and told him so. Things didn't go yesterday the way we planned, so you have to plan for things going wrong. It will take them at least an hour to get to the friend's house and the auto store closes at 10. And he has to be to work at 7 am tomorrow and I have to be to work at 6 pm. It has to be done tonight. He got short with me, but I'm sure it was because he was mad at himself as he knew I was right.
I worry about him staying up late to get this done (he insists it won't take long) and then having to get up and go to work tomorrow morning. Maybe I worry too much, but he is a new driver and he's my baby.
I just want this vehicle to last a year or so, then I may give it to one of my son's. If they have dependable vehicles, then I can lease a vehicle as I don't live far from work. With DS3 and I sharing a vehicle, too many miles for a lease. Keeping this vehicle allows me to pay off bills faster and get a savings built up for a house and emergency fund.
Well, just heard from DS3. The repair place doesn't think it is a bad caliper but bad CV shaft assembly, so he and his friend are going to replace that now. He also apologized for being short with me and for not planning appropriately. I did raise that boy right after all! I told him how proud I was of him for stepping up and taking care of all of this, plus apologizing on top of it. I love that boy!
I have an older vehicle, one I got a great deal on. It only had 60,000 miles on it, was used as a summer car for a wealthy family. It now needs some work done to it, ball joints, wheel bearing, basically the front end. My other 18 yo son (DS2) did some of the work and has been too busy since Mother's Day to help. We will get into why he is too busy another time. I told him last week it was getting really bad and was worried about getting into an accident and he was supposed to tell me when he could do it, and I still have not heard from him. I called around and it will be a minimum of $400 to get what I need done. My 17 yo son (DS3) and his friend said they could do it; his friend went through a mechanic program at college. They did the wheel bearing yesterday and needed to change the brake pads still, but decided to hold off on the brake until today. Well, something isn't right with the wheel bearing or possibly the caliper is bad.
The decision was made his friend would take DS3 to work and pick him up from work, then they would drive my vehicle to his friend's house to work on it as he has more tools at his place. They left here and got to the friend's GF's house at 2 pm. They were to text me along the way and by 7:45 I still hadn't heard anything. They were still at the GF's house. I got a little upset and told him so. Things didn't go yesterday the way we planned, so you have to plan for things going wrong. It will take them at least an hour to get to the friend's house and the auto store closes at 10. And he has to be to work at 7 am tomorrow and I have to be to work at 6 pm. It has to be done tonight. He got short with me, but I'm sure it was because he was mad at himself as he knew I was right.
I worry about him staying up late to get this done (he insists it won't take long) and then having to get up and go to work tomorrow morning. Maybe I worry too much, but he is a new driver and he's my baby.
I just want this vehicle to last a year or so, then I may give it to one of my son's. If they have dependable vehicles, then I can lease a vehicle as I don't live far from work. With DS3 and I sharing a vehicle, too many miles for a lease. Keeping this vehicle allows me to pay off bills faster and get a savings built up for a house and emergency fund.
Well, just heard from DS3. The repair place doesn't think it is a bad caliper but bad CV shaft assembly, so he and his friend are going to replace that now. He also apologized for being short with me and for not planning appropriately. I did raise that boy right after all! I told him how proud I was of him for stepping up and taking care of all of this, plus apologizing on top of it. I love that boy!
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Life: Hey there, here goes another therapy session for myself. I was stressed to the hilt this morning after getting off work at 6 am. My youngest, DS3, has been having friends over for the past 5 days or so. I am on a 16-day work streak. I am very picky about having a clean living space. I came home to garbage overflowing, dishes that had been there for 2 days with food still on them, wrappers all over the living room floor and the 9-week old puppy Sassy not in her crate (yes, I named my blog after my baby). Then, to walk into the bathroom and find the toilet completely clogged and unusable. I played with the dog like I normally do to try and tire her out, and got to sleep about 10 am. Before going to sleep, I texted my son (he was still sleeping) and told him the toilet needed to be dealt with along with the rest of the mess. I woke up just before 4 pm, to find out son had called maintenance for help. With my apartment a total wreck. Apparently, he did not take Sassy out like he should have and she had a couple of accidents. He cleaned them up with wet wipes, which did not flush. Face palm. I am embarrassed that the apartment maintenance man came into my place the way it was. Before leaving for work, I left him instructions on cleaning including steam cleaning the carpets. He is normally a pretty good kid, so I think the stern talking to is enough for now.
Finances: I have attempted a budget for the next 3 pay checks. I need to get bills paid, which will happen, but I am also going on vacation with the youngest and possibly my 18-year-old and his GF for the first time on my own. Just a camping trip with kayaking, but something I haven't done in years due to finances. Even when I was married, I rarely took days off. I was an independent contractor and we needed my checks. I am really looking forward to this. I need to put some money away to help get my son a vehicle and also start an emergency fund for myself. I have read up on Dave Ramsey's steps and I may start the program to get my ducks in a row. I don't know the best way on how to post the budget, I will have to figure that out.
As far as debt goes, this is what I have:
IRS: $2500
Credit Card #1: $1200
Credit Card #2: $1350
Credit Card #3: $500
Credit Card #4: $400
Furniture loan: $1468 ($740 early buyout)
I just finished paying off my medical bills!
My credit score sucks. It is 592 on Experian, 620 on Equifax and 564 Transunion. I expect it to improve with the last medical bill paid in full and a correction to my report as well. The biggest impact to my score is a bankruptcy in 2011 and credit card balances too high. I have a goal of buying myself a house next year, if the divorce goes through and the house sells. Being a vet, I can take out a VA loan with no PMI.
Weight: I weighed in this morning at 268. I was at 200 in February 2017, worked out at the gym 5-6 days a week and looked great. During the failed reconciliation, I gained and gained. He didn't want me at the gym (jealous) and would always pack my lunches and make breakfast and dinner, never anything healthy. I truly believed he wanted me heavy so that no other men would look at me, then he would tell me how I let myself go. He would criticize me if I wore makeup to work, had to wear sweatshirts which was not my normal. He drove me back and forth to work, always escorted. This all sent me into a spiraling depression that I am successfully pulling myself out of, slowly. Let's get back to the weight. I didn't do bad today. I had my Shakeology, had frozen Healthy Choice for dinner (16-day streak and running low on fresh food), romaine lettuce salad with Italian, and snuck in some jerky and a peanut butter cup. I didn't get any exercise in today, but I will tomorrow. I actually have 2 days off!!! This time will allow me to prep my food for the next 3 day work shift and exercise. I'm going to get my confidence back before that wedding in 80 days!
I think this is enough for post #2, I don't want to overwhelm anyone, lol.
Have a great day!
Finances: I have attempted a budget for the next 3 pay checks. I need to get bills paid, which will happen, but I am also going on vacation with the youngest and possibly my 18-year-old and his GF for the first time on my own. Just a camping trip with kayaking, but something I haven't done in years due to finances. Even when I was married, I rarely took days off. I was an independent contractor and we needed my checks. I am really looking forward to this. I need to put some money away to help get my son a vehicle and also start an emergency fund for myself. I have read up on Dave Ramsey's steps and I may start the program to get my ducks in a row. I don't know the best way on how to post the budget, I will have to figure that out.
As far as debt goes, this is what I have:
IRS: $2500
Credit Card #1: $1200
Credit Card #2: $1350
Credit Card #3: $500
Credit Card #4: $400
Furniture loan: $1468 ($740 early buyout)
I just finished paying off my medical bills!
My credit score sucks. It is 592 on Experian, 620 on Equifax and 564 Transunion. I expect it to improve with the last medical bill paid in full and a correction to my report as well. The biggest impact to my score is a bankruptcy in 2011 and credit card balances too high. I have a goal of buying myself a house next year, if the divorce goes through and the house sells. Being a vet, I can take out a VA loan with no PMI.
Weight: I weighed in this morning at 268. I was at 200 in February 2017, worked out at the gym 5-6 days a week and looked great. During the failed reconciliation, I gained and gained. He didn't want me at the gym (jealous) and would always pack my lunches and make breakfast and dinner, never anything healthy. I truly believed he wanted me heavy so that no other men would look at me, then he would tell me how I let myself go. He would criticize me if I wore makeup to work, had to wear sweatshirts which was not my normal. He drove me back and forth to work, always escorted. This all sent me into a spiraling depression that I am successfully pulling myself out of, slowly. Let's get back to the weight. I didn't do bad today. I had my Shakeology, had frozen Healthy Choice for dinner (16-day streak and running low on fresh food), romaine lettuce salad with Italian, and snuck in some jerky and a peanut butter cup. I didn't get any exercise in today, but I will tomorrow. I actually have 2 days off!!! This time will allow me to prep my food for the next 3 day work shift and exercise. I'm going to get my confidence back before that wedding in 80 days!
I think this is enough for post #2, I don't want to overwhelm anyone, lol.
Have a great day!
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
I don't know where to even begin ... I guess a little about myself. I'm a mom to 4 humans and 2 fur babies, veteran, first responder, who is separated from the husband. Why do I feel the need to blog? I want to hold myself accountable for many issues, not just one. I need to learn to control my emotions, my fiances, and my weight for starters. I need to develop self-confidence again. I need to learn to live.
What is my current status? I was married to a narcissist for 21 years. We have yet to file papers, but I have moved out permanently. I was a very happy-go-lucky type of person all of my life, until years of tear downs finally caught up. I want that person back, I know it won't happen overnight, but I know I can get there.
My finances? I make decent money. No child support for my youngest that lives with me (the other 3 are older and out of the house) and he is threatening to go after me for alimony, which would put me under the poverty level. I'm trying to work OT right now to pay off bills that I accumulated from moving out and starting over. I didn't go overboard by any means, just basics and that still isn't cheap. I will develop a budget and goals to post so that you all can keep me in line ;)
My weight? I gained 70 pounds during reconciliation. He didn't want me going to the gym or spending any time without him. I am starting an 80 day exercise regimen tomorrow with some coworkers. I'd like to lose a minimum of 30 pounds during those 80 days. I know it isn't the healthiest way but I know how I can get once I start getting into an exercise routine, it becomes my life and I think I need that right now. My coworker is getting married in 81 days and I want to not worry about what I am going to wear and I want to not feel like a whale.
So that is the beginning. I will probably switch topics all the time, so please don't expect this to just be a blog on finances or health, it is a blog of my grumblings! It will be a rough ride as I put everything out there, so fasten your seatbelt.
Cheers ~ Sassy
What is my current status? I was married to a narcissist for 21 years. We have yet to file papers, but I have moved out permanently. I was a very happy-go-lucky type of person all of my life, until years of tear downs finally caught up. I want that person back, I know it won't happen overnight, but I know I can get there.
My finances? I make decent money. No child support for my youngest that lives with me (the other 3 are older and out of the house) and he is threatening to go after me for alimony, which would put me under the poverty level. I'm trying to work OT right now to pay off bills that I accumulated from moving out and starting over. I didn't go overboard by any means, just basics and that still isn't cheap. I will develop a budget and goals to post so that you all can keep me in line ;)
My weight? I gained 70 pounds during reconciliation. He didn't want me going to the gym or spending any time without him. I am starting an 80 day exercise regimen tomorrow with some coworkers. I'd like to lose a minimum of 30 pounds during those 80 days. I know it isn't the healthiest way but I know how I can get once I start getting into an exercise routine, it becomes my life and I think I need that right now. My coworker is getting married in 81 days and I want to not worry about what I am going to wear and I want to not feel like a whale.
So that is the beginning. I will probably switch topics all the time, so please don't expect this to just be a blog on finances or health, it is a blog of my grumblings! It will be a rough ride as I put everything out there, so fasten your seatbelt.
Cheers ~ Sassy
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