Sorry for not posting, sorry to myself is more like it.  So many things have taken place over the past few weeks. 

DS2 made it over to dinner this past Sunday, which was great to be able to see him.  I took his GF on Tuesday for birth control appt.  DS2 is still having stomach issues, so much so that the EX apparently made him an appt to see a GI doctor.  It is very hard for me, I've always been the one to research, find the doctor and go and make the decisions on meds, etc.  I have already taken him to the doctor once, but he hasn't even tried the med prescribed.  We've discussed it, but he is an adult now and needs to take some responsibility.  He did say his dad has been on his case about how much pot he is smoking.  About damn time. 

DS3 has homecoming this weekend.  I do have to work, but took PTO for the game Friday and the dance Saturday, just enough to see him off.  He has been seeing his dad, not every night I work like he is supposed to though.  I worked Monday and Tuesday and he was planning on not staying for Tuesday, even though I pushed for it.  He ended up going there on Wednesday because there was the powderpuff game and figured he wouldn't get out of there until at least 9, and dad around the corner, he may as well just stay there instead of coming home.  Dad wasn't impressed and said he needed to be with me, that it was weird.  Then he stopped by on Thursday because he forgot his wallet and his dad made another comment that he shouldn't be there.  So much for a welcome of your own son.  I think DS3 will be going there only rarely now after that.  I'm not going to push him either.  It would be financially better for me to have him stay there a couple of days a week, cuts down on gas money, but I'm not forcing the issue with him.  DS3 said there is hardly any food in the house and that it is a total mess.  When I took the GF to her appt, she said that she is washing the dishes and laundry, no one else helps.  She said one time the dishes were so bad that when she got to the bottom of the stack, there were maggots!  Ewww.....  Not a healthy situation.

The other big thing, I ran into DS1 in public.  Someone was calling "Mom" and it was him.  I started bawling.  He asked me if I wanted to meet my granddaughter and I got to see the most precious thing in the world.  I went and saw his house, met his dogs and we went to breakfast the next day and chatted some more.  He wants to forget the past and move on.  He made a valid point on one issue that caused us not talking and now I'm wondering if I allowed the EX to influence my views/thoughts on what happened.  I did not witness the situation, only the EX.  So now I'm thinking I have lost out on all of these years because of not thinking clearly and realizing what the EX has done, again.  I'm moving on at this point.

DS3 knows about the contact with DS1 and he wants to see him and see if he can try to trust him again.  We have to keep everything secret.  The EX has threatened that if I was ever to contact DS1, DD or my mother, that he would get money from his rich cousins and drag me through years of mud, of which I cannot afford to do.  What kind of mud you ask?  He said that he would find me an emotionally unfit mother, that I stole money from the family (who was working?  wasn't him, I supported the family!), that I neglected his father (he wasn't working, not my responsibility!).  He did nothing those last 4-5 years but lay on the couch.  It was the family joke that his butt was imprinted on the cushion.  He did not visit our bedroom once during that time, leaving me emotionally and physically.  He moved his father in and did not lift a finger to help take care of him.  His father was a diabetic and severe alcoholic, and he would not follow a diet.  I should not be having to tell a grown man how to eat.  I did research and printed of examples of what he should be eating for all 3 meals.  But he would literally eat sugar out of the bag.  We had to hide food.  He would sneak around the house all night long and EX would lie on the couch and pretend he was sleeping. 

When the FIL came to live with us, the agreement was he was to pay $1000 a month.  I was the only one working, the EX had filed for disability and we were waiting for the denial, appeal, etc.  The $1000 a month is what allowed us to survive, but not in the fashion the EX wanted.  In the beginning, FIL demanded to see balances and receipts of everything.  When I had taken things over for his billing, he had not paid bills in 3 months.  I believe he was trying to die.  The only bills that were paid were his house payment and 1 credit card, which were automatically deducted.  FIL the first few months refused to pay the $1000, one month giving $200, even after he was hospitalized twice, EX was taking him for iron infusions x2 a week, PT x3 a week and the money did not even cover gas (visits were 45 mins away).  This went on for months.  EX was also attempting to clean and fix up his dad's house so that it could be sold.  That took 8+ months and was over an hour away.  Profit made on the house was a whopping $700.  EX said he was keeping that money as payment for the work he did, I have no idea where that went to.  I was working around the clock trying to keep up since we were not getting FIL money.  Finally the EX said just start transferring money every month and he would put his father off.  All of the transactions were verbally told to EX prior to doing them, even though I physically did them online.  When winter hit, FIL kept his electric heater on 24/7 along with an electric blanket and a fridge.  Our electric bill went up to over $600 for a month!  The EX finally said "can we take a credit card out in his name to pay some of the bills until we can catch up?" and I did what he asked.  The credit card was paid off prior to us separating. 

When we met trying to sort things out, he accused me of illegally taking the credit card out in FIL name and then paying it off with FIL money!  I was trying to think back if he was drunk when he told me to do it, but I honestly don't remember.  He is also an alcoholic like his father.  It got paid off because we got our tax refund...not FIL money.  While FIL was with us, DS3 needed braces badly, his teeth were horrible, getting cavities because of how smushed his teeth were.  EX told me to go ahead and get him the braces, that basically his father's money was the families money and his son was important.  That was $231 a month.  He knew how much I was working and that I wasn't making that much money.  Hence why I switched careers at my age.  So EX is trying to blame me for taking advantage of the elderly when he was the one who directed everything that I did.  I wasn't allowed to make decisions, that is very clear, but he thinks he can portray it that I took advantage of his dad and himself, you know because he was so sick and couldn't take care of anything.  But he was able to drink a 24-pack of beer a week minimum along with whiskey, smoke a pack a day and go to the store on a daily basis spending $10 just for his cigarettes, pop and snack.  That is $70 a week....it adds up.  He doesn't have a clue. 

I have a chicken in the oven and potatoes cooking, so I have meals the next few days for DS3 and I.  Financially, I am struggling.  I have been applying for MT jobs at home so I can be here for DS3 and the dogs.  Hopefully something pans out.